Jake

The talk with Sam had gone pretty much as Jake expected. The pack had not wanted to help the Cullens, but once they looked at the bigger picture it became evident the town and reservation had to take precedence. They did not want to align with their natural enemies, but the Cullens had given them no reason not to trust them over the fledglings causing destruction in Seattle.

He left the meeting feeling like a traitor. They had called him on the fact he had brought it to them because of Bella. His desire to protect the girl who had befriended their enemy had left them in a vulnerable position. Ultimately it was the fact they had to protect everyone, including Bella, that made them see things Jacob's way. He still felt like a traitor.

"It's done. We will help you." His phone call with Edward was short and to the point. They were not friends. This was not anything but a common goal of protecting Forks and the reservation. There was no reason to fake pleasantries.

"When can we meet to work out a strategy?" The vampire had asked, and Jacob had agreed to meet the following evening at the boundary line. It was the safest territory for all involved. "Do not bring Bella."

Jake hung up without answering the final demand.

1. I'm not dead.
2. I can actually give her children.
3. They would be awesome kids.
4. Kids who wouldn't be dead.
5. Kids who wouldn't need to drink blood to survive.
6. Kids who could have two parents with pulses.
7. It would make our dads happy.
8. It would save Bella from becoming a bloodsucker.
9. Because she loves me, and she'd be a great mom.
10. It. Would. Mean. Bella. Lives.

Well that would explain why Bella is so happy with Edward then. Because she has to be ignorant to what he and his kind are really like if she wants to become one. Look, I know she has her reasons, but I don't get it. I'm never going to understand why she would want to give up what she is, who she is, to become a bloodsucker. She is so much better than they could ever hope to be, yet she is obsessed with it.

She thinks the key to being able to be with Edward is to be like him. How can that possibly make sense? If you have to change your very nature to be able to be with someone then something is seriously wrong with the relationship. I'm not saying the bloodsucker doesn't love her. I know he does. He knows I do. The fact remains is that I'm the one she doesn't have to change for. She doesn't have to give up her life to be with me.

So, yeah, ignorance has to be the only explanation. Unless he's doing some kind of freaky vampire thrall like they talk about in the books. What? I was doing a bit of reading since I have free time now while I'm waiting for the girl I love to lose her heartbeat and get married. Maybe not in the order though. Who knows. It gives me a headache trying to figure it all out.

[private]

When Bella chose me. I know that sounds lame, but it's true. The fact is that I was worried when Edward came back that she would decide that being with me was a mistake. I know that she still has feelings for him. I'm not blind to that. It's clear he still has feelings for her too. I hate him for it, but I understand. Bella isn't a girl you can get over. It's just not possible.

When he came back I figured that she might ask for time to sort herself out. The pack warned me it could happen. First love and all that stuff about how hard it was to get over it. I got it, I did, because Bella is my first love. My only love. I know that she is it for me, and yeah it's kind of frightening to know I am not it for me.

She loves him, and he loves her. He's back, and she chose me. When I realized she wasn't leaving me to sort out of her heart, or to run back to him I felt invincible. It was like nothing else in the world mattered. Nothing else in the world could touch me. She chose me, and she trusts me to be it for her. One day I will be. It's just going to take time.

The pack is tired of dealing with Jacob's broken heart. They are one, and as one they feel what each other feels. They share each other's triumphs and their tragedies. Sam reminds them that Jake is young. That he just needs time to heal. The others aren't so certain that time is going to do anything to help Jake. Which means time will do nothing to help them either.

It's all about time now. His thoughts are about the days that she has left. The days until the bloodsucker grants the wish she has begged for. He can barely stand it. They can barely stand it. She's not meant to die. She is meant to be his. She is meant to be theirs. He howls out his pain. They howl in unison.

Time is counting down, and with each passing day the pain becomes more unbearable. Which each passing day he feels a bit more of himself slip away as he becomes more comfortable in animal form. The wolf can handle this loss so much better than the man. Which makes Sam wonder if they will lose the man completely the day that Bella Swan takes her last breath.

If you'd asked me this before I became a werewolf I would have said respected. My father is well respected on the reservation, and even in town. People believe he is wise, and they listen to him when he speaks. He's an honorable man. Charlie is the same kind of man. Wise and respected by all that know him and know him. They look to him to lead them and to fix things when everything goes wrong.

I wanted to grow up and be like them. To be a good man. An honorable man who could lead others, and who could fix things when they were broken. Kind of the way I can fix cars and bikes you know? Then things got weird. I found out those legends we were told were true. I became one of those things we were taught about in those old stories.

Now I realize that it's better that I am feared. The bloodsuckers can maintain that they do not fear my kind, but it's not true. If they didn't fear us they wouldn't have cared about a truce. If they didn't fear us they wouldn't keep their distance. I want them to fear me. I want them to understand that if they give me any reason to believe they are a threat to Bella, my family, friends, the people on the reservation or in the town of Forks, they will have every reason to fear me. Because I will not hesitate to destroy them.

Jake knows that people think he's crazy to still have hopes of changing Bella's mind about Edward. His pack has told him that it's a loss cause. The girl is in love with the vampire. She wants to become one with him rather than live with Jake. How can you fight death when that is all she dreams about? He knows that people think he's delusional when he says that Bella loves him too. Jake doesn't care what other people think. He knows in his heart that she is meant to be with him.

Time and time again he's put his heart on the line with her only to come up second best to the bloodsucker. Most people would cut their losses. They'd walk away to lick their wounds. They'd focus on finding someone else. Someone who would put them first. Someone who would love him enough to live rather than wish for death.

Jake isn't most people. There is no one else for him. His sun rises and sets on Bella Swan. He refuses to give up on her. Until the day her heart stops beating he will be there, trying to remind her that life is too precious to give up. She doesn't have to die to have everlasting love. It's standing right in front of her, and reflecting in every smile he shoots in her direction.

Jake watched with amusement and delight at the way the bloodsucker reacted to the memories. On his way to seeing Edward he had wondered what he could possibly do to make it clear that he wouldn't allow Edward to shatter Bella's heart again. Cullen had taken off, and left Jake to piece Bella back together again. Even if he trusted the sincerity behind the reasons for the vampire leaving her it didn't make up for the pain he inflicted upon her.

She was one big gaping wound with her heart and emotions on display for the world to see. Charlie had a hell of time dealing with how his daughter had been then. Her friends gave up trying to reach through her pain to pull her back up to her feet again. It was Jake who never gave up. Jake who believed that Bella was still there, just locked up tight out of fear of being wounded again.

One day making her smile didn't take as long as it had before. One day seeing her smile wasn't shocking at all. Time heals all wounds, yeah, but that didn't mean they couldn't be reopened again. Which is why he delighted in seeing Edward's reaction to one simple memory of what Bella had been like when he left.

Like a puppy with a bone he jumped on it. He shot those memories loud and clear in Edward's direction, and savored every wince the vampire couldn't control. Jake felt no shame for this. Because it was something that Edward needed to remember. This wasn't a game. He would not stand by and allow Edward to hurt her again.

Not on Jake's watch.

The biggest problem in our relationship is that my girlfriend's ex-boyfriend is back. I know, it's typical right? Things are going well, and suddenly the ex who nearly destroyed her when he left is back. His family is the reason I became what I am now. I've been chosen to protect the town from what he and his kind are, and she makes excuses for him and his family.

The Cullens are a curse to Forks. They are bloodsuckers who nearly drained the life out of Bella the first time she became involved with them. He never even needed to bite her to drain her. How can I not be angry and concerned that he is back? She's more addicted to him than most heroin addicts are to their drug of choice.

I love Bella. I'm not willing to be the bigger man and give her space so she can sort out her heart. I'm the one who stayed. I'm the one who picked up the pieces of her heart and soul when he walked out on her. She loves me, and I will not leave her to deal with this alone.

Our biggest problem is Edward Cullen.

He never believed in soulmates before he met Bella Swan. Of course, he'd probably deny it now if someone asked if he believed in them. His pack would know he was lying, but Jake is sure no one else would be able to tell. He's a guy after all. Guys don't believe in that romantic crap like soulmates.

Unless you're in a pack. Unless you can bond with someone who already belongs to another, or who hasn't even reached an age where being together romantically would work. The pack understands why he believes Bella is meant for him. They can hear his thoughts. They know how he truly feels.

The bloodsucker would probably counter that he believes he is Bella's soulmate. Hah. Jake isn't so sure the bastard still has a soul. He doesn't have a pulse after all. Besides, if anyone truly loved Bella they wouldn't agree to kill her. They damn sure wouldn't turn her into a bloodsucker.

He doesn't get it. He's the right guy for her, and she wants someone who is already dead. Girls make no damn sense.

Edward's back, and now I'm left wondering why. Why did he decide to come back after he broke her heart? Why had she already been to see him without telling me he was home? Home. Right. It was because his kind called this place home that I was cursed to be what I am.

Not that they care about that. They are selfish bloodsuckers who have no business being near my girlfriend. My pack wants answers, and I don't have them to give. I have no idea what brought him home. I have no idea if he and his kind plan to stay.

Bella must know. The problem of course is that every time we try to discuss her attachment to the Cullen's we end up fighting. I don't want to fight with her. I don't think I'm being unreasonable by wanting her to avoid them. Why can't she see that they are dangerous?

He nearly killed her the last time he was here. His presence now was only going to cause more problems. Why couldn't he have stayed gone and took his family with him?

I'm so sick of the bloodsuckers and their hold on Bella.

Sam wants answers, and frankly so do I. That's what led me to driving the bike over to Bella's and waiting for her to come home from school. I need to know what is going on. Why he's back. What this means for us. I need those answers. Even if it comes in the form of a fight.

[For Bella]